CNN posed the question the other day, “Is Fast Food Fare Going Too Far?” Interesting query.  Let’s examine the evidence.

Exhibit A from the article:

The defense rests, your Honor.

Oh, one more thing, did I mention that it has 1,380 grams of salt–an entire day’s allowance in one whopping, deep-fried dose. The court finds the defendant guilty of attempted culinary manslaughter.

But what’s going on here? For some reason, at a time when obesity rates top 20% in most states, some brands are cranking the calories to 11, ripping the nob off and walking away. Too far, you bet. What really baffles me though is that many of these same brands are also pushing “healthier” options.  This, of course, includes KFC (see above) who only last year launched their “healthier” grilled menu.

Their new menu reminds me of a guy with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, but this time the devil is deep fried and served with two sides (but that’s probably just me…and weird.)

See for yourself. Our food is so heavy it will crush your house to death:

Wait, did I say that? I mean to say that our food is so light, it’ll make you throw your sassy hands in the air like you just don’t care:

Colonel, it’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore.

This type of brand schizophrenia has become commonplace in the QSR world. The conundrum seems to be, “Do we serve food that tastes really good or are do we serve food people really want to eat?” In the panic to be everything to everyone, a lot of marketing dollars are being spent communicating contradictory messages. What you get are brands that don’t mean much to anyone.

But some upstart QSR brands are out to prove they can serve up good food that also–gasp–tastes good and do so without developing a serious personality disorder.

Brands like Naked Pizza are laser focused on bringing truly healthier options to the QSR market. Its menu was created to offer the “world’s healthiest pizza”, with each slice only containing just a fraction of the calories and fat of a standard pizza. Plus, their pies are still bona fide delicious according to Yelp reviewers. And it looks like they’re going to be far from a local or regional phenomenon: Mark Cuban just partnered with the company to turn it into a national franchise.

Sadly, not the first thing that popped up when I Googled "naked pizza."

Feisty, focused challenger brands like Naked Pizza that truly know who they are, what they stand for and are in line with where consumers’ minds are at are going to start giving the big fish palpitations soon.  According to the whip-smart folks over at Iconoculture, Americans are becoming less and less willing to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous gastronomic misadventure:

Consumers have come to see food as a key to all that ails them; physically, mentally, sociologically and psychologically.

Gosh, I dunno, perhaps doubling-down on deep-fried gut bombs isn’t the best long-term strategy given consumers’ current mindsets. So it’s also probably not a good idea to spend millions to bombard consumers with confusing, scatter-brained messages either. After all, if a brand has no idea who they are, they shouldn’t expect consumers to have a clue either. Something to consider in a hyper-competitive industry where few brands are safe forever.

Any big fish brand confident they won’t end up on the fryer should join me down at Bennigan’s for a nice Monte Cristo Sand…oops, never mind.

R.I.P. Sweet Temptress.

Update: Canada has decided to pass on the Double Down. (Back bacon on the other hand? Still totally fine.)

Update 2: Hardees doubles down on Double Down.